Angham, 24 years old, Amman (Jordan)

 

 "I felt that this is the right time 

to do this step"

At the beginning, I would like to point out that the hijab is a part of my religion and this means that I will wear it these days or later. I was always thinking of wearing it but I did not exactly know when that day will come. I've been through many difficult conditions with my family and it have been affected me, so these conditions have strengthened my conviction to wear hijab and after those circumstances, I felt that this is the right time to do this step. Now hijab has become part of me and it is impossible to give up or to decide that I'm not wearing hijab anymore. When I go out wearing my hijab I don't feel that I'm different at all, actually it didn't affect my passion, my goals or dreams in life. In my society there are two kinds of hijab, the first one is based on traditions and the other is based on a personal decision and you need to be convinced and fully aware of this huge step. In my family this decision was up to me, and since hijab is about decency, I started looking for outfits that are as conservative as my hijab. Not as most people think, hijab dignifies a lady and does not limit her.

Envera, 24 years old, Sarajevo (Bosnia)

“I’m perfectly incomplete, I’m still working on my masterpiece!”

My name is Envera and I used to wear hijab. My family is Muslim, I was raised in Islam and

my whole life I believed that my parents are quite liberal, until I did what I did two years ago.

Once I started wearing hijab, it was never questioned nor thought of- not even in their

craziest dreams- that I might stop wearing it. It was God given, so to say; that once made,

the commitment cannot be broken, ever, no matter the personal development or the change

that one might encounter in life. I have to say that my parents, and myself, were quite

unprepared for everything that unraveled after.

Before recapturing the whole story, I have to say that my parents are wonderful people.

They’ve been working hard in a post-conflict country so me and my brothers can have

everything a kid might need or desire. They’ve been trying to teach us compassion,

empathy, friendship and how to be good people in general. I honestly hope they’ve

succeeded, for sure they’ve had more luck with my brothers than me, but one out of six in a

patch must be broken. They have supported my brothers and I during our education, looking

to bring out the best in us. Sometimes I think that if they weren’t so interested in our growth,

maybe I would be a completely different person and that my natural curiosity would get shut

down by the rules of our cruel society.

I started wearing a hijab when I was 13, fresh out of primary school and ready for high

school and the world. Trying to think like an adult, I chose the one school that, according to

me at the time, would give me the best possible education; the whole world on a plate. Now I

see that I was just a little victim of mediocre marketing and quite convincing students who

claimed their lives changed when they have became part of this institution. So in october

2006 I became a student of madrasa in my hometown. And not to talk a lot about it, but it

most definitely wasn’t what I hoped for. It felt more like we were educated to be good muslim

wives than academic citizens, but don’t take my word for it because I am bitter due to the

information they have presented us with. Or better to say, haven’t presented us with.

Fast forward to the university years and the first year of complete fear, panic zone and loss.

My circumstances changed and I was far from home, just to find myself completely alone

and friendless for reasons still unknown. don’t get me wrong, but looking at it from where I

am today, it was the best thing that possibly could have happened to me at the time. Of

course I was heartbroken, I do have some feelings, but it is more their loss than mine.

During those months I slowly started to surround myself with a more diverse group of

people. With people who questioned everything, who knew what they are doing and why,

people who had a vision. And slowly, I started having clearer ideas myself. But not only that,

I’ve started finally doing things I loved and dreamed of. Volunteering, traveling, meeting new

people and places and growing, but also being a representative of my country. The little

problem was that I was still a big representative of a religion (hijab is kinda hard not to

notice, duh) even though I’d been slowly coming to realise that there are some things that I

cannot stand behind and just let go.

I didn’t let the little concerns bother me. I moved on and lived my life happily as a student

can (happiness was there once a month, if I was lucky, but I enjoyed it regardless). I

graduated, got a job, decided to leave everything behind and moved to Azerbaijan for a year.

Pretty easy, huh?

Well, it was. But also it wasn’t. My parents thought I was joking; I broke my grandma’s heart

and I’m pretty sure my uncle had a little anxiety attack because ‘it’s war over there and I

might die!’ Still being as stubborn as I naturally am and with a new vision and a passion in

me, I left. I don’t know whether or not my parents silently proud of me, we never spoke about

it, but I sure know I was. I felt like I finally had my own life in my hands and I could shape it

the way I want; the way it’d fit me. And that’s when it all started really changing.

I still am not sure why or how it all started, but my ideas about the hijab, more importantly my

dedication to it, shifted and I’ve started to become more aware of how much I don’t want it

anymore. It might be a different culture that influenced my personal culture and made me

rethink; it might be the freer air I breathed because I made the rules or it might just be the

blossom of my personality that happened then and there. I’m still thinking about it. Revising

and retracing every step I’ve taken. Because no matter the sound of words here, it wasn’t

easy. From the first moment that the idea developed in my brain, I knew my family will never

support it. I knew I’d have to choose between me and them from the very beginning.

And I hid for a while. I lied to myself, but that couldn’t have gone on forever.

It took hours and hours and oceans of tears to just get ready to express this desire of mine

to my parents. It took years of patience of my best friends to convince me that everything will

be okay no matter what.

And in the moment when I said it and when my dad rejected that this might become our

reality and future, my whole world broke down. Because in that moment I knew I’d choose

myself and I’d be alone. Because I knew I’d have to break their heart (unwillingly and

unfortunately) to save my own. Because I knew no matter how scared about the future I

might be, I would not continue with something sacred (for some people) that I do not stand

behind anymore.

So we broke each others hearts. We abandoned one another. Me and my family broke up.

My dad used to be my prince in shining armour, but from that moment on we became the

biggest strangers on earth. My mum was silent (as any good wife should be- lol) and

begging me to be a good daughter and to follow the rules, to break them just in the slightest

ways and to adjust to the average perfection of life I could have had; the same averageness

many from my original surroundings were adoringly fitting in (no judgements whatsoever,

just expressing my opinion about certain types of life).

The thing that surprised me most was the sudden involvement and interest of everyone;

from close and distant family members to family friends and acquaintances and the

harshness of their judgement.The curses and pleads; the direct opinions and indirect advice

and the bullying in different forms and by different people. But also the support and

understanding of some others whom I’ve never thought would be so kind and protective. And

the transformation of this into the biggest lesson of my life.

Two years (and a bit more) after taking off my hijab, the frozen relationship between us is

still the same. I’ve missed birthdays and weddings, gatherings and holidays, but they’ve

missed my growth and development. I know we’re both losing like this, but I am done asking

for forgiveness. I haven’t done anything wrong; I’ve simply changed and have grown.

At the end of the day, I’m not sorry for the change I’ve brought into my life. It taught me a lot

about me and it changed me even more.

And despite the clash with my family, I am happy.

I’m not completely sure what the point or the conclusion of this story is or should be. I will

leave it to each and every person that might read my words to decide for him or herself, but

my advice to parents would be to remember to leave their kids to create and shape and

construct their own lives. All with the mistakes that you think they might be making. It’ll teach

them more than your societal rulebook.

And you kids, believe in yourself and try to understand what you want your life to be and go

for it!

Ex- bula out!

Raneem, 26 years old, Irbid (Jordan)

 

"So let me tell you the story behind my Hijab. 
I decided to wear Hijab because After 3 months of reading and searching about it I loved the modesty concept behind it.
However, I don't like to be stereotyped or mis-judged because of it. I am a “Wonderlander” who loves to explore and travel, so I've been to different countries where they don't have Hijab, for studies or work …etc. And sometimes I was the only Hijabi in the room, however, I didn't feel that different from the other people around me. But it always happens that people I meet there ask me so many questions about it, I don't bother to answer them at all. You get all kind of questions and it’s funny and nice often; I even was asked once if I have to wear it while showering, the answer is: NO! Also I don’t have to wear it while sleeping, and NO there’s nothing wrong with my hair to hide it, I actually have a beautiful mediterranean hair! And these kind of questions can be great ice breakers sometimes and lead to many of my inter-cultural deep friendships. But sometimes it's frustrating when the other person has pre-assumptions in their mind of what is Hijab and this "suppressed" image of a Hijabi woman.
I believe that people need to relax and stop being judgmental about the-people-on–the-other-side-of-the-world lifestyle. I think that the challenging thing is to open up one’s mind, change your mindset, and learn about something new and different. 
People shouldn’t be scared of Hijab; if you're curious; ask questions, read more and be open to what's different than you, respect that difference and then make peace with it, isn't that what coexistence is all about? I think we're all similar upon some level as humans who share the same earth, but the world shouldn't all look the same or act the same, what's make it beautiful and colorful is its diversity. Be open minded!"

Can you see the difference?

 

 

Noha, 18 years old, Copenhagen (Danmark)

 

 

My Name is Noha, I’m 18 years old. I think have been wearing hijab for almost 5 years now. The reason why I chose to wear my hijab is simple. I feel my headscarf, is the most important part of my identity. As a little child I used to argue with my parents, about my headscarf, because I wanted to wear it as a little girl, but they wouldn’t let me. They said that I should wait, until I got older. When i got older, I chose to to wear it and that it is the best decision I made in my life.

I actually thought that wearing hijab will take a lot of trouble finding workplaces and in school and that people wouldn't like me. In social media people are continuously talking about hijab as a big problem. But when I started wearing hijab as a normal girl, I actually found out that it wasn't such a big problem. If you make it a problem – than it is your problem. But nothing will happen, because hijab is just a piece of clothing.

It just hides some parts of me, like my hair, but not the person I am.

I don't see that my hijab causes any problems – I love it! I'm thankful, that everybody, who is around me accepts me as I am.

In my workplace, I'm working in a shop for almost four years, my boss didn't like muslims so much in the beginning. But she gave me a chance. When I started, she found out that wearing hijab isn't a problem and I am like everybody else. When there is somebody in the shop yelling at me, she would actually stop them: “she is one of the best workers in my shop! Stop yelling at her!”.

I think that, if you make hijab a problem, it will be a problem. But if you don't, than you will find out, that hijab is just a part of me.

Want to hear my story?

Read the stories behind the hijab on our blog.

Sara, 21 years old, Copenhagen (Denmark)

 

 

My name is Sara, I'm 21 years old. My parents are originally from Marocco, but I'm born and raised in Danmark. I started wearing my hijab when I was twelve and a half year old.

It was kind of my mum who tricked me, because in Islam you have to wear hijab when you menstruate. And than she was like “yeah, and from tomorrow on you're gonna wear a hijab, right?”. And I just looked at her and meant “what do you mean?” and she was like “normally you wear it, when you menstruate and you just did that so – from tomorrow on you wear a hijab, right?”. And I said “well, okay, if I have to do so...” And than I just did it.

It was not forced or anything, she was just trying out if I would actually do it. I was wearing it ever since and I never actually wanted to take it off. Of course you have a few moments, when you wish you could just go to the beach or swimming pool and just relax in the sun. But I've never been able to take it off by myself. I think it never kept me from doing anything. Whatever I wanted to do, I've been able to.

It also didn't kept me from swimming, I mean, you have the burkini now. You can swim wherever! And my dad was very good in younger age to find an empty space for us. A space where we knew that there are no other people. I like to swim – that's why I talk about that. Sometimes he rented out a big swimming pool, just for our close family, so we could take off our hijab.

I've never had problems, also in workplaces – maybe I've just been lucky. Maybe it's just not that big problem, that people make it. The only time, in which it is a problem, is when I watch the news or the media. And I just hear all those terrible things. And it's not because I hate myself for wearing it – I hate them for speaking about it like that, because I don't feel that way. I don't think there are enough people representing us. People like me, that are actually not forced to wear it. I see there is a dilemma, but it is not a solution to remove it from everybody's heads, because a few are forced to put it on. Than you are doing the exact same thing – just the opposite way. Instead of putting it on, you're putting it off without them willing it.

Yeah, in my normal life, it never ever had been in obstacle. I have great friends, I have a great life, I have a great workplace. And my hijab is just extra. I think what I love the most about it, is the kind of respect it gives you. Just normally, when I sit around with the boys here at work or go into another place, it keeps kind of a distance. They first check “oh, is it cool for her? Can I shake her hand” and stuff like that. Also how they talk in front of you and how they speak in front of you. I see a lot of my friends, when they don't wear a scarf, it's a totally different story. They tell me about when they are around the exact same people, how they react to them is different than how they react to me. They do it out of respect for me. Because I'm wearing a scarf. That's one of the benefits.